lilangelgurl

Everyone keeps waiting for me to fall apart How can you just stop loving someone you Literally loved for so long, how is that even Possible. Honestly? I don't know how it Happened, but it did. I truly think I'm okay Not in some sort of denial or something I got my heart back completely in full. It doesn't mean I'm not going to make Some mistakes now that I have it back like Go crazy head over heels for someone in Two weeks that intervention was necessary To get back to normalcy. That happened. Maybe part of me is trying to fill the hole of Loving someone so completely for so long. Honestly, I don't even get me and my heart's Logic. I ju

Stronger The last week has been interesting to say the least A lot of redefining moments and almost willing to Take a chance on love or something crazy but How do you tell a story except from the start Our first interaction I assumed he was vain I'll do it but only if I don't have to commit. Well Son, how do we do anything if you don't? Annoyed, must be very full of himself. But then I discovered he was talented at Everything I wanted to be in addition to his Pure physical perfection, I won't deny part Of me was curious. Did he have some depth? Casually prodded a little hoping to get some Meat and at first I thought there was nothing Ther

I feel like I've been reborn; I feel like I'm alive again. I feel giddy whenever he Responds. And when he takes a while to or his responses seem polite, I overthink am I being annoying again? Am I being too much Should I keep my distance. But then once In awhile he says something that maybe I'm just being a girl and emphasizing the Parts I want to hear like, "together we Could run the world." But really... Maybe we could. I don't know why that lady's Words haunt me so, even though I was only Fourteen. Maybe it was her brush with death That caused her to find God that brought Some legitimacy to her reading. You'll Love the wrong someone for

I think I have a crush. That sounds like such a normal thing but I think this is the first time I've had a crush with My heart open in so long. With the actual Possibility of falling in love. Without a part Of me holding me back. This sensation is Crazy. Amazing. Having my heart back to Give away. Maybe. I mean it's weird. I pride myself in not being superficial, but If I'm honest, the first time I saw him if You asked me what my perfect guy would look Like, it'd probably be him. And on top of that He's talented. He's driven. He's humble. (He has eyes you can drown in). The eyes. Somehow I always fall for the eyes even though Probably some

I had an interesting dream. Maybe it was the test that said In a past life that I died of drowning; I had this dream. I'm Not sure what happened but I think maybe there was cold Water and I decided not to kick so by the time my survival Instincts kicked in it was too late and the water took me but Someone found me and got me out and there were so many People watching. Surrounded in public with this facade of Shallow concern that would dissipate in their memory as Soon as they left but they tried to revive me. First with CPR Then with paddles. Nothing worked, it was going on too Long when someone had the crazy idea of using adrenaline And s

Sorry my words came out so angry. I don't hate you, I don't think you're the devil I think you're probably still a great guy That handled a situation poorly but really Is there a right way to try to break someone's heart? I really do appreciate you doing the one thing That could get me to move on and finally No longer believe you were the one. I would say that is the best Christmas gift Anyone could ever give to someone: closure. Not sure how I would've done it differently Over a game, someone confessed their feelings And my approach has been avoiding, wordlessly Trying to communicate. I've done it all my life Too. Whenever I don't reciproca

So now that we're not pretending anymore, What are the next steps you wonder? First, I'm going to delete about 12 years of disillusionment, Then I'm probably going to create a new site. Not leaving a link though feel free to try to find it. In the words of my mom what kind of creep Stalks the site of a girl he supposedly has no feelings for Which I'd think too but he does the same. It just means you were more alike that I thought. I'm glad it's out there this no pretending. I feel so free unencumbered by the what ifs This I know feels fantastic. It's like my friends Always said. I needed to know my worth And the one thing holding that back i

That was not just cold that was cruel But instead of hurting it took the rose colored glasses From my eyes and for the first time I saw "You're not who I thought you were." Years of faith and love and agape wasted. There is not a doubt in my mind which of The two endings were real in the story I wrote Hell. But not my hell. You can only be someone's hell If they still care, and for once I see YOU. I think I used to think maybe one day You'd get to heaven and say God why did You send me a mediocre life partner I tried To love but couldn't, and he'd say Well I sent you your soulmate; she recognized You since she was 15, you were just too blind

I am happy right now. So very happy; doing what I was born to do. I don't think I've ever been this happy about Something real not just in my mind. I feel very lucky to have this happiness. But it took, what, 2 seconds to dissolve 2 years Of resolve? I think I value control and organization so much Because I could never control my heart I think I've decided. Some songs have been Looping in my mind sometimes, I find The words repeating, "Are you really going to Stand in front of me, pretending I'm Not your destiny?" I can't control my hearts because, "Where there's life, there's hope." So that's the only true way to crush an ember right? To

How are you so lucky like that? To land a guy that can take care of you While you do anything you want? I wish I could find somebody like that! Land? Try taking care of a guy through law school Who despite making so much money in his summer jobs Managed to blow it all in the course of a couple months But was too ashamed to ask his parents for money And sent you pictures of how much weight he lost Because he literally could not afford food. So you sent him a monthly check And every other week when you visited Filled his fridge with food to last him And even though you weren't 21, Going out with his friends to the bars Where he asked to borro